


pray

by kaisutama



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Younha Song, Character Study, Dialogue Light, Duscur (Fire Emblem), Fictional Religion & Theology, Gen, Light Angst, Loss of Faith, POV Dedue Molinaro, Self-Denial, Tragedy of Duscur (Fire Emblem)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27901345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaisutama/pseuds/kaisutama
Summary: He believed to have lost all faith, yet Dedue never realised it was with him all along.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 11





	pray

**Author's Note:**

> on twitter and discord, i asked some friends to send in numbers based on a list of prompts i have in store. the prompt was "faith". this is for @cloudycatfluff on twitter! 
> 
> named after "pray" by younha.

Dedue passed his trust off to Dimitri, so much that he would follow the future King wherever he walked. Not in the overbearing, clingy fashion that Felix or Ingrid would accuse him of, which Dedue tried paying very little attention to. 

Yet, their words - and the words of others native to Fodlan - hurt him, cut him deeply like knives, or arrows. Whichever ached more. Their harsh and cold voices left invisible scars across Dedue’s chest. He’d deny their words, sometimes scoff at them. Yet the more he’d listen to the others and their cruel comments, the more he bled. 

He never cried, not for anyone. Well, except his family. He lost his family nearly eight years ago. Watched them flee from their home, heard them crying Dedue’s name. Yet he didn’t respond. He couldn’t save them.

Was he the blame? Was the loss of both his and Dimitri’s family Dedue’s fault? 

He’d spend some of his very rare free time asking himself those questions, only to receive wordless answers. Just small teardrops. Maybe a pain or two in his chest, but that would’ve been the least of his worries. 

Even though it was a quiet night in Garreg Mach, even though everybody was asleep soundly, Dedue’s thoughts disturbed him. He couldn’t even close his eyes for a spare minute without the memories of the Tragedy flooding his vision. He didn’t believe in the Goddess of Fodlan, but he did believe in curses. Maybe he was cursed. 

The night was still as Dedue left his old dorm room, making his way down the hall and out the double-doors. A cool breeze brushed past him as he left the dorm area, navigating through the dark monastery. Where was he going? He didn’t know. Away, perhaps. 

But not  _ too _ far away, no. He couldn’t abandon Dimitri, the man whom he left most of his trust in; the man who held Dedue’s heart heavy in his palms. So instead of leaving, maybe wandering back to his old home once known as Duscur, Dedue made his way to the cathedral - an unusual spot for him. Yet, it was peaceful.  _ Gorgeous _ .

He recalled Mercedes mentioning the cathedral being a comforting place, regardless of one’s religious background, or whether they believed in anything at all or not. Dedue followed a faith that was unordinary in Fodlan. “The cathedral is welcoming to everyone,” Mercedes had said with a placid smile.

And Mercedes wasn’t wrong. The long rows of pews, a gleaming light from the glass-stained roof shining down, marking the centre off. It was like one of the gods from Dedue’s mythologies was paying Fodlan’s Goddess a visit. Maybe they’d get along. At least, Dedue would hope so.

The pews were inviting Dedue to have a seat, which he found one in the front. He normally didn’t pray, he hadn’t prayed since he was a young boy. Now, though, he wanted to regain some faith in himself. He wanted a little bit of reassurance, that he wasn’t an enemy to Fodlan, nor to their Goddess. That he wasn’t an enemy to Felix, to Ingrid, or to Dimitri and Byleth, and all of his fellow allies living in Garreg Mach.

War brought loss in faith, Dedue realised quickly. Many soldiers have been losing their faith in the Goddess, believing in the worst case scenario, some even quick to jump to conclusions. Some proclaimed the Goddess wasn’t even  _ real.  _ Whatever they believed in, religion or their own selves, was falsified to them. With a loss of faith brings sadness, and with sadness brings...  _ tragedy _ .

Dedue sighed. This was pointless, this was a waste of time - sitting there in a quiet, empty cathedral, alone, questioning what his own faith even  _ meant.  _ He was supposed to protect Dimitri and bring a well-deserved victory to the Kingdom, not worry about whether or not to put his trust in a  _ deity _ . As if any deity of Fodlan would respond to Dedue’s prayers. As if they would understand the pain Dedue faced in Duscur. All for the sake of the  _ Goddess _ . 

What would the Goddess even think if she returned to Fodlan, to see her people suffering, starving, broken? What would she do? Laugh? Blame everything on Dedue? Or would she blame one of the deities Dedue believed in? 

This wasn’t right, Dedue realised. Thinking wicked thoughts about Fodlan’s Goddess, in her presence. He wasn’t sure if he should apologise, or admit to Lady Rhea of thinking wrongfully. But he didn’t want to bother her. She was the Archbishop, after all. Plus, Dedue was just a commoner, an  _ outsider _ . Lady Rhea was busy - after all, she was at war with the  _ Empire _ .

If only they’d just get to know him, like Dimitri did. Mercedes, Ashe, Annette, even Sylvain all were kind, or at least tolerant, of Dedue’s presence. At least they wouldn’t shut him away for being an outsider, for not fitting in very well. Ashe didn’t care if Dedue was from Duscur, he even said it himself. Mercedes found intrigue in the faith Dedue followed; Annette certainly found herself spending more time with Dedue than usual. As for Dimitri... well, they’ve been with each other for years. But Dimitri was almost a brother to Dedue - encouraging, kind, patient. Sometimes they’d argue here and there about whether or not Dimitri needed to rest. Sometimes, they’d discuss history, or their school days with Byleth, even though most of the conversations were one-sided, with Dimitri talking more and Dedue listening most of the time.

_ Friends _ , huh. Back home, Dedue made a lot of friends and he was friendly with many of his neighbours. He was never alone with his sister and mother living under the same roof, with neighbours and even some relatives from the other regions of Duscur would visit for holidays or just because. 

After the Tragedy, and after Dedue lost everything and everyone, his faith was taken away, too.  _ ‘Forcefully,’ _ he thought to himself. He’d never think he would find time to sit down and ask himself, “What happened those years ago?” He would never have thought he’d ask the Goddess of Fodlan for guidance. 

Then, Dedue recalled Mercedes’s words:  _ “The cathedral is welcoming to everyone.”  _

Something tugged against Dedue’s heart (the same one he’d give to Dimitri if he could), reciting the words Mercedes spoke out loud, quiet so he wouldn’t disturb the Goddess, or whoever was physically (or spiritually) present. Maybe he was thinking too hard, or he was too  _ tired  _ from thinking. War certainly was not a friend of his, after all - it kept him awake, on his toes, watching his own back as well as the cloak-clad back of Dimitri. 

A little bit of faith was what Dedue needed, he realised. Not in a Goddess or in a deity, but in himself - in his person. It didn’t matter if he was from Duscur, or even if he was from _Fodlan_ _itself_. The Goddess wouldn’t want him to lose faith in her, would she? So why lose faith in himself? 

The sun rose from the east, replacing the moon’s soft light with more vivid rays. Even if the continent was on fire, falling apart, the illuminating light was enchanting. Like the Goddess was here. 

Mercedes would be the first to find that Dedue had fallen asleep on the pews, but she didn’t disturb him. Instead, she sat next to him, waited until he woke up. Flustered, Dedue excused himself and went to find Dimitri in a haste.

Mercedes laughed genuinely at her friend with no bitterness in her tone. It was nice to see Dedue outside, away from the shadows of Dimitri for a change. It made her wonder why Dedue was in the cathedral, until she recalled her own words. The memory made her smile, heart fluttering lightly. 

She made a quick, silent vow to not tell the priests or monks she found him sleeping there. It would be a little secret kept between the two.


End file.
